A person’s personality can have its own gravitation pull. Have you ever found yourself being drawn towards someone for reasons you are not consciously aware of? This is where I found myself a few months ago. I had just started a new job and found myself behaving very timid around all of my colleagues; a very relatable situation I’m sure. I always struggle to let my personality show because I am trying hard to be ‘professional’.
Before I had settled, there was a colleague that I was instantly drawn to – not in a sordid way. They had an aura of friendliness and positivity. I found myself wanted to be around them all the time, I found myself seeking them out for any questions I had (even though they had been there one week longer than me). I found myself worrying about annoying them.
Why did I care about them being my friend?
In friendship groups there is usually one person that everything revolves around, someone at the centre. I really started to think about it as I have always felt like an outsider. I started to take notice of my new college’s behaviour. (No I wasn’t hiding behind the water cooler.) They were always happy, always supportive and ready to listen. They would throw an unexpected compliment at people, things like: “Wow, You’re desk is so organised,” or “I wish I could wiz through emails as quick as you.” The amount of times I rolled my eyes, I felt like the opposite to them.
They had made a glaring of friends, people were pulled towards them. I thought I would try a little experiment of my own; I would take on some of this person’s behaviours with my own friendship group.
I met up with a group of friends at the pub and as sipped my first drink I adjusted my mentality. I started complimenting them, I told them I had missed them, I took an insatiable interest in them. I was exuding positivity. When they told me about their worries and self-doubt I said: “You’ve got this!” or “Don’t worry, I know you can do it.”
My friends caught on pretty quick; we weren’t even two hours into our evening when they all said I was different. They all said something had changed. I was shocked that they had picked up on my different wavelength so quickly. I ended the night by telling them I appreciated and I was grateful for having them as friends. (That definitely made a few eyebrows rise.)
After a few weeks, I was feeling more involved, appreciated and loved by all the people I knew. In my head I was thinking that I was being a fake, that in some way I was putting up a façade. Was I lying to them? I thought about it a lot, well worried about it. However, I realised that everything I said was how I felt or was the truth.
So why hadn’t my friends been treating me like this my whole life?
They didn’t know how much I admired them; they didn’t know how much I appreciated them. Not until I told them. I am not a soppy person whatsoever but I have now adopted a daily practice of telling people things that will lift their spirits. If you think a positive thought, say it out loud – let people know that you hold them in high regard. Soon I found myself at the centre of my friends; they wanted me to be at every event. They would text, call and ask me if I was OK – what I was doing, if I wanted to get coffee or go for a drink. I suppose that when I started to put out those kinds of thoughts they were bounce back to me.
There is no equation for friendships and all have a variety of deepness and complexities. I suppose the moral of this story is: If you have something nice to say, say it. Compassion, understanding, kindness and above all, a sense of humour help keep people orbiting you.