Just Light the Incense

I am sure everyone can relate to feeling overwhelmed. I have felt overwhelmed over and over again. Such a huge tidal wave of emotions crashes over me and I cant understand what’s going on. It’s strange because all of the things that I worry about seem so intense; I get into this state of immediacy and mania. Yet a few weeks later I won’t even remember what I was so stressed about. Over the last few months I have been trying to learn how to switch that off. Obviously trying to reprogram your brain is one of the hardest things that you can do. Twenty four years of bad habit cycles, bad choices and sleep deprivation is something that I have been working on.

I was recently doing Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) with an online counsellor. I went into it with a great attitude and a level of self awareness. I was finally going to be taught by a professional how to switch my brain off an go to sleep, as insomnia is one of my main problems. I would have much rather of seen someone in person but the wait was 8-9 months. Good old NHS. Overall I found the online service impersonal and not helpful. Due to technical issues (my laptop updated) I missed an appointment and got discharged from the service today – quite unceremoniously.

So now I have been sent back to the GP and the process must begin all over again, I completely understand that the NHS is struggling but now they’re just creating more work for themselves as it will cost them more time and money to refer me back to the service. At this point I will probably give up on them and seek help from a mental health charity or something.

Understanding the bureaucracies and logistics of patient referrals through the NHS is something I have had to learn. If I can give any advice to anyone it would be to make it clear to your GP or even a practice manager that you are a human being with a life just as complex as anyone else and not just another number.

The bottom line is – I am still suffering. However, the future seems a little less grey every day.

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